He spoke to me

Have you ever actually, physically heard God speak to you? Until this year I would have said no. I've heard other people's stories and always wondered why God hadn't chosen to speak to me. There have been two distinct moments this year where I have heard the voice of God, and I am writing about the most recent moment as {hopefully} part of a healing process.

I went to the grocery store yesterday as a quick errand to grab 3 things - ketchup, eggs, and laundry detergent. Clint kept Hunter at the house and I took Lauran with me. I was talking with her the whole trip because I didn't want her to fall asleep. I wanted her to take her normal nap when we got home. We got to the store and I remember noticing a sign that said "Grand Opening." I thought it was odd because the store has been open for quite some time. And then it happened. A mother's worst nightmare. I wasn't on the phone, I wasn't texting or facebooking, I wasn't in a rush -- I went into auto-mode. 99% of the time I go to the grocery store I go on my lunch break so I don't have to take the kids with me. So I put the car in park, turned off the car, grabbed my purse, and went inside. I walked up to the door, grabbed my basket. I went to the ketchup isle because it was straight in front of me. I grabbed a bottle of ketchup to put in my basket, and that is when God spoke to me. All I heard was "Lauran." I remember thinking it was strange and looking around me. Then it hit me....could this possibly be real....oh my gosh panic mode. I sprinted out the door, I couldn't breath, my body was shaking, and I dropped my basket somewhere along the way. I sprinted to my car. {I can NEVER find where I put my keys but somehow by the grace of God they were in my hands before I got to the car.} I unlocked the door and grabbed my sweet baby.

I know she was "only" in there less than 5 minutes, but I expected for there to be a scene at my car when I came out of the store. Someone breaking my window to get her out. Thank God it was a cloudy day and He so firmly reminded me of my angel when I got in to the store, because when I got back to her she was still asleep and there was not a gush of heat when I opened the door. I cried hysterically holding her. Then I called my Mom and cried more. Thankfully my Mom calmed me down enough so that I could breath. I couldn't bear the thought of going in and getting my groceries. So I went home to snuggle with my sleepy baby. I cried hysterically when I got home and told Clint. He gently hugged me and told me everything was fine and to go take a nap with Lauran. I went in there but I couldn't sleep - all I could do was stare at my beautiful angel and tell her I was sorry a million times over. And every time I told her I was sorry, I thanked God for letting her be ok.  I know she won't remember this, but I will never forget it. I will never look at those news stories in the same way where parents were not as fortunate as me to get back to the car in time. I will never judge those parents.

I am embarrassed, dumb founded that I actually did that to my baby. I am heart-broken and thankful all at the same time. That was easily the worst moment of my life, and yet the best because my baby was perfect! I am thankful that by the Grace of God she is ok and equally as thankful for my family who never judged me but was and continues to be so supportive. I think the Lord might have been saving up for that moment for when He knew I would need Him the most and I am thankful my ears were open to hear His voice. I have no moral to this story except to say hug your babies tights and always keep your heart open to hear the Lord. I know the Lord has great plans for my angel. He has forgiven me, Lauran has forgiven me, and my family has forgiven me.....overtime I pray that I can forgive myself.